btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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