Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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