I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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