But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize