.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
