TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
