sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You work out of a Hotel?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
