She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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