508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
