My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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