so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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