There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
