Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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