I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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