If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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