words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
