too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
