I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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