sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
