My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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