If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
