why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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