I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
