I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
