I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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