hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
