I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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