Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
where does the pee come out of this thing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can't just leave with hair like that
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
