Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
