i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
