Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
