Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
