We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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