Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
