At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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