Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
