the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
