We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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