Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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