Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
