The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
