you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so explain again why im purple
no
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
