..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
false alarm, still single
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
