she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
