I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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