Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This toilet bowl is my home.
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