Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
