Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
