You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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