Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
