I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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