butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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