It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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