Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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