Im at strip club and am horny
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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