what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
