In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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