I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
