Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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